4 Things You Should Never Say to Your Children

Once there was no such thing as parenting classes. Every parent conducted himself and educated his children according to what he saw in his own home and common sense. In most homes this worked and child rearing was understood in a healthy manner. However things became misunderstood to a point where the verse ‘Educate a youth according to his path’ became ‘be tough with him if he doesn’t listen’. Hitting for disciplinary reasons also became aggressive, sometimes almost to the point of violence.

Parents knew they were doing something wrong on one hand, but on the other hand they felt confused and powerless and many had no alternate methods to raise the children as they were not exposed to any alternatives when they were being raised by their parents. Lack of creative parenting combined with the pressures of being out of the home working most of the day didn’t leave much time to think of and learn the right way to raise children. That’s how the need grew to a point that parents now are looking for guidance.

Get guidance from professionals

In Israel the past 30 years parenting classes succeeded in guiding parents with good results. New child rearing methods replaced the discipline of hitting and unnecessary giving in was replaced with clear boundaries. However not every parent got clear guidance and some came out confused and not confident about how to raise their children.  That is why parents should get the guidance that matches them and seek it out only from professionals. This way they will come out with clarity and be able to raise their children properly.

How can you know who is the right professional for you?

Generally speaking it’s their experience that will make a difference. Someone who has seen more and more cases heard from more parents and amassed more life experience and information about parenting will be a more effective guide to a perplexed parent wallowing in doubt and questions without answers.

What does proper guidance include?

It is holistic and includes different ideas not specifically related to education like didactics, knowing the stages your child should be learning wise, nutrition which affects the cognitive and emotional development of your child besides his physical development. These are necessary in addition to the regular parenting coaches and psychologists working in the field. For parents that can’t get out for a class there are many online resources, Hidabroot.com has many articles and videos on child rearing and education. However it is always worth the effort to go to live lectures and sessions as you can also ask questions and get immediate answers.

Now for the 4 statements never to say to your children:

1. “Wait until your father comes home he’ll show you…”
2. “I’ll by you that remote control car, just be quiet already”
3. “If you don’t come right now I’m going to leave you here (in the car) and I’m going.”
4. If you start crying, I’m putting you straight to bed, do you hear?

 
The reasons these 4 sentences are a “no-no” should be obvious to most of us though parenting has more challenges which require more in depth knowledge of what to do. So seeking out guidance is a good idea for parents in our generation. 

Menucha Fuchs is a writer and a Parenting Guidnace counselor starting a parenting course in Hebrew this week in the Hidabroot Headquarters in Petach Tikvah, Israel