However, the commentaries note that the order of the verse is difficult to understand: The verse cites the gamal, arnevet and shafan as animals that do not have split hooves but do chew the cud, thus it would seem appropriate to first mention the sign that cause them to be non-kosher first and then the kosher sign, as the non-kosher sign is the most significant in that it renders these animals non-kosher.
However, instead the Torah says that one may not eat these animals because they chew the cut but do not have split hooves, but it would have made more sense to reverse the order, or at least to say, that one may not eat these animals even though they have one kosher sign.[1]
The Torah does the same thing with regard to the pig, that does not chew the cud, but does have split hooves.
Why, then, does the Torah list the kosher signs of these animals first if the non-existent signs are the only ones we really need in order to label these animals non- kosher?
Rav Yissachar Frand, shlita, cites a Midrash explains that the Torah is trying to teach us that even when something is not kosher, we should find a way to mention something praiseworthy about it first. Even something as treif as a pig deserves to have its positive trait pointed out.
This teaches a fundamental lesson in bein adam lechaveira, in general, and in particular, how to criticize or rebuke people. There are times and situations where it may be necessary to criticize a child, student, employee, friend or neighbors – we learn from this Midrash that even when we have to deliver a negative message to others — to tell them that there is a ‘non-kosher’ aspect of their behavior — yet we should always find a way to point out their positive attributes or qualities first.
Why is this so important? The first reason is simply that if one precedes the criticism with praise, then it is far more likely that the person will accept the criticism, because people generally do not like being criticized and will be placed on the defensive. Moreover, when a person is criticized, it is not necessarily apparent to him that the person offering the criticism is doing it out of a sense of love for his fellow, and sincere desire that he improve, rather it may come across as simply a non-caring attack (indeed, unfortunately this can sometimes be an accurate impression).
However, if the rebuker can convey that he cares about the person and sees his positive traits, then the receiver is far more likely to accept the criticism and not resent the person criticizing.[2] In this vein, the Biur Halacha cites the Sefer Chassidim that it is forbidden for a person to rebuke someone whom he does not well, because the person will likely come to hate him.[3]
Another reason why it is so important to precede the criticism with praise is for the sake of the person offering the criticism himself – so that he does not become a person who focuses on the negative traits of a person and forgets their inherent goodness. This is also one reason why rebukes and criticisms should be kept to a necessary minimum, and in this vein, some chinuch experts recommend a ratio of 4 positive comments to 1 negative comment.[4]
The following story offers a dramatic example of the benefits of a rebuke preceded by praise. Rav Yechiel Spero shlit’a writes that as a boy his class would sometimes play baseball under the guidance of their Rebbe. He admits that he would sometimes get a little over-competitive and yell at his friends for their perceived mistakes. On one occasion, the Rebbe called him over and started listing many praises of young Yechiel. After that list, he said that it’s pas nischt, – ‘not appropriate’, for such a wonderful boy to speak to his friends that way.
Rav Spero suggests that many of the praises may not have even been so accurate, but he remembers the immense positive effect of this conversation – the praise surely had as much or even more benefit than the criticism, and the criticism succeeded because it was done with such care and positivity.
It is important to add that this lesson does not only apply to rebuke, rather any time a person does something such as a piece of homework, an exam, a speech, a performance etc, his fellow should be very careful before criticizing the person’s performance in any way – but if he does see a benefit in doing so, it would be far more effective, and kind, to first praise some aspect of what the person did before launching into the critique.
May we merit to utilize positivity in all our interactions with friends, students and children.
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