“Shalom to you, my precious Rabbanit,
I wanted to know; how can I deal with feelings of not actualizing myself and lacking satisfaction in life? I feel I invest most of my energies in the wrong places where most of my actions are from not having a choice. I feel I’m not realizing the potential my skills and abilities give me to fulfill my ambitions. I want to do and change many things but because of many delays I find myself stuck in the same place many years.”
Rabbanit Chagit Amayev responds:
Shalom to you my loved one,
Your brave and honest words accurately portray the feeling of most people in this world: “Getting up every morning with no choice but to go to another full day of work which isn’t necessarily the right job for me or satisfying, passing the time dealing with situations which bring me down with pain and negative energy, a demanding routine full of challenges I don’t feel up to…”
So I have 2 things to tell you, one bad and one good!
The bad news is that you’re not alone. But why is that bad? Because too many people have given up and say: “This is the way it is; just make peace with it.” This means most people don’t use up their G-d given potential. They feel like they missed out on something. The good news is that we all were given free choice and every day is like a new page on which you can write a new script which is refreshing, more convincing, braver and more successful. The main problem that holds us back from choosing to begin right now to actualize our potential and fulfill our dreams is that we ‘buy’ the stories our evil inclination tells us. He doesn’t want to lose his grip on us.
For a person to be able to face the evil inclination and his armies he must recognize the poison that may have seeped into his mind:
1. “I tried a million times and it just never worked…let’s forget it!”
2. “If you want it all the time yet never attain it, it must be there’s no chance of ever getting it.”
3. “It never goes for me… I may as well give up!”
4. “I’m a ‘schlimazel’- a failure!”
5. “The heavens decreed I should have it hard and I must make peace with it.”
6.”You’re making a fool out of yourself with your desperate attempts to succeed where you’ve failed so many times!”
7. “You’ll never your whole life get what you want so why bother trying?”
8. “G-d has so many things to deal with so why should I be of interest to Him?”
9. “I can’t cope or change!”
10. “If I’m already succeeding doing something it’s always small and insignificant.”
These are just a small random sampling of the ‘pearls of wisdom’ implanted in our minds. They stand like street signs before our eyes all the way down the path in which we forego all the treasures we could have attained if we would only decide to choose something new.
We should bear in mind that all our life experiences are the product of the choices we continuously make consciously and unconsciously: to stay where we are or to progress, to wither away or to flourish, to despair or to get up each time you fall no matter how painful the fall was.
The best news is that G-d truly and faithfully believes that we can bring ourselves to the most astounding places we can reach, and that’s why He never gives up on us! This means in turn, that we shouldn’t give up on ourselves s Rabbi Israel Salanter said: “”As long as the candle is burning, you can still repair.” A Rabbi Nachman of Breslev has a similar message: “If you believe you can ruin, you should believe that you can repair… for there’s no despair in the world at all!”
More than this, people get wrapped up in perceptions and negative and limiting thoughts. They may deal with the trivial and endless battles until G-d forces him through this test to recalculate a new course and go out to a new path and the message of this point is empowering.
When a person is in pain whether physically or emotionally he is forced to examine the meaning of his situation: Is my life good or is it bad? Am I where I want to be or am I off my goals? Am I prepared to live an empty and shallow life or do I agree to choose to raise myself out of this and grow? And where should I be investing all of my energy right now?
Since most of us are so busy listening to and dealing with the negative and sunken into a dark place, G-d placed the choice before our eyes (sometimes through hitting us) telling us “You didn’t come into this world to suffer! You came here to choose… life has so much good… just start choosing the positive. Do you want to get there? Start to work on your self-awareness and what is good and bad for you through deep introspection. Are you really ready to receive all the good G-d wants to rain down on you? Are you prepared to stop giving excuses ‘why you can’t’ and start taking responsibility for your life and say understand ‘why you could’? If you are ready let go of the things holding you back from progress, in order to flourish and connect to all the beauty and the positive in life… I blew a giant living soul into you with great abilities and tools for success! Use them instead of going captive after fantasies, convincing as they seem!”
Every person should review these following points at any given opportunity and live by them. If you do this you’ll see your life totally turn around!
1. I have the ability and strength to change anything!
2. I fall because I’m human: I get up again because I am part of G-d from on high!
3. One success is worth more than all the failures put together.
4. I won’t come down on myself and beat myself down! The truth is that I am unconditionally loved, desired, successful and strong!
5. I am important, good, and precious in all situations. What others think is totally irrelevant!
6. My shortcomings are that which I need to repair in this world and all my attributes are tools for me to use to succeed in my mission.
7. I don’t need to put up a show. I’m not perfect nor am I meant to be! All I need to do is to agree to be a mensch and do whatever comes with it.
8. There’s nothing to stay in the way of the desire of the beloved children of G-d the King of Kings!
With Great Love,
Chagit Amayev
